So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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