I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have already put on my inside pants.
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