someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
