Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
