The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
