Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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