Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
