I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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