laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
