Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
