I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
