"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
either way he was missing a nipple.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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