we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
