Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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