Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
