I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
