Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
BRING THE BAGELS
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
