I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
