No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
