Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize