Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
