just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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