Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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