i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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