So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
this beer tastes like vomit already
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
