yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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