I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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