thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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