My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
