Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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