I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
