Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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