Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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