That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
