Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is Oprah even human
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
