i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
