I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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