party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
