if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
