He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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