I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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