the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Farmville is her only friend.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
