I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize