his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
