i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
