im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
