Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
