I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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