careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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