I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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