Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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