Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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