Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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