Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize