I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
