Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
