Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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