How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
