thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
