aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
