my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize