the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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