I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
