I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
