So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize