Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
