when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
