with your own penis?
actually, I'm a sock model
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
