I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
did i just pee glitter
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize