Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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